I feel like I am losing faith in everything. I have been struggling with my health and living in pain since Mid May and still no answers from the Doctors. I have a boyfriend that I really like that is moving two and a half hours away. And he and I apparently want two different things.
I have heard talk all of my life about God and I really want to believe but where is He now? I have been struggling for years and if there really is a God then why is this all happening? I pray, I go to church, I talk to friends and family, and yet if He is out there I see no evidence.
How are we as Christians or the faithful expected to remain faithful when there is never a reprieve from all of the adversity? How do we keep believing that there is something bigger out there and that we just need to surrender to it and accept God's plan when nothing ever seems to work out in your favor? How many restarts in life does each person get? What if this is as good as it gets?
I now understand why there are so many people out in this world that have been beat up to the point where they think that the concept of a Deity is just lore. I too am starting to wonder if it is a myth or if there is something to it. Maybe I should just give up and start living my life without any thought to anybody but myself. How much worse can my life be? I already suffer daily with pain and seizures, have already been forced to surrender my position at work, and I am once again alone. And all of these things were accomplished with daily pray, being kind to others, going to church, giving to God and living a life that was faithful and good.
I apologize to anybody out there that I may offend with this post and that is not my intention but I am just exhausted and needed to vent. If anybody out there has an argument as to why I should keep believing then I will consider it but to be honest I am about done.
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