How is it that no matter what happens in our lives people expect you to suck it up and just smile? I feel like the world is crashing down around me and I can't seem to impress on those around me that I am starting to lose it.
Since May I have developed a seizure issue that as of this date has yet to be diagnosed, lost my position at work because of the mysterious seizures, been fighting with my disability insurance almost daily because they can't seem to gather the required paperwork from the doctor to pay me, watched my bills pile up, lost my ability to drive, and learned that my boyfriend is being transferred out to town for work.
Now I am not sure whose Wheaties I peed in to deserve all of this but I am sorry and take it all back. I feel like I am losing my mind and my desire to deal any longer with this stuff. I mean how is it that no matter what I do I can't seem to get ahead?
Family and friends all try and act like they understand but unless you have been through something similar and had the proverbial rug pulled out from under you, there is no way. I understand that they are all trying to make me feel better and don't get me wrong, I have a great family and network of friends. It is just that I feel like something is missing that would help me get over this hump.
Maybe what I need is a bottle of Jack Daniels and a 2 liter of diet coke! Or maybe it is a diagnosis so I at least feel like I am not crazy and that there is a game plan to improve my health? And how about the ability to drive or work and enough money to pay the bills and provide for my kids? How about a man to love me and offer his support and a hug every now and then so that I don't feel so alone? Oh heck, while I am wishing upon a star maybe I should wish for a winning lottery ticket!
I know that it seems as if I am whining but I am just really, really tired of all of this. It can only go up hilll from here...right?
No comments:
Post a Comment